Sister.

I never anticipated having a sister on a mission being hard. I always thought that since she had already moved away from Provo, that it wouldn't be too big of a thing to get used to. Mostly, I thought about how I was really excited about her experiences-- the part where she would be living out a dream that wasn't meant for me.

Now, all the time I see things that I know she will appreciate, and I can't share them with her the way I used to. That is strange. I guess I'll take to the pen, but to me, that doesn't hold the same amount of awesome as a few words in a text, or sending just a picture. With a real letter, that just isn't quite right, especially when you're paying a couple bucks to send a priceless one-liner all the way to Taiwan. Not the same effect, at all. I guess I will just have to figure that part out as I go, just like all the other feelings that come along with the ride.

The other really weird part is living across the street from the MTC, knowing that she is somewhere over there busting her brains over Mandarin. So close!

Then there is the added weirdness of having Dan away for almost a month. But, I did not intend to write a sob story here... not exactly sure what else to write, though. I think that means it's time to close for today!

[RACHEL]

Laughing is the only option.

(monday)

C: Mrs. Staves, are you a mommy?

Me: No. Not yet.

(tuesday)

C: Mrs. Staves, why do you hate babies?

Me: When did I say that??

C: Well, you don't have any kids...

====

(tuesday, talking about medical technologies & prosthetics)

A: My grandma has a screw in her head.

Me: On purpose?

A: (solemnly) Well, she's got a screw in her head and she says it's loose and that's why she's crazy.

Me: Oh... Ok...

I did not have the heart to tell her that "a loose screw" is a figure of speech.

====

It must be the end of the school year... these kids are getting a little crazier every day. Some days, it's easier to roll with it than others. Today was an easier day. Plenty to chuckle about.

I am husbandless for a couple weeks more and the novelty of an immaculate apartment and a peaceful night's sleep have worn off. I miss that guy! Thank goodness for Google Chat and smartphones, that's all I have to say. Hanging in there.

[RACHEL]

29

29 days.
That may sound like kind of a lot, but when you compare it to 182 days, it's barely anything. 182 contracted days, over in 29 (though if you don't count weekends, it's more like 18.5).

And when that 29th day goes by, I'll get straight onto a plane and fly east. Guys, I just bought a one-way airplane ticket to Manchester, New Hampshire. Wait. What? Yeah, that's what I said too... because I couldn't get over the excitement of busting out of Provo for a while. In a few months I'll be having my 7th Provo birthday. Its something that I have come to terms with over time, and rather sheepishly celebrate. But, 7 years is a long time, and the anticipation of a new (though temporary) adventure has me beaming.

In a few days, Dan will head out East to start an internship. I will have the house to myself for almost a whole month. It will be a strange and slightly lonely month in which I dust off the old recipes from before I was married that were dubbed too fishy, mushroomy, veggie, or strange for my sweet Dan.

I still haven't decided if I will take a job when I get out there. I have dreams of making salsa, picking zucchinis and eating them for lunch, doing graphic design projects, and getting my curriculum ready for my new teaching position... not to mention the plans my father-in-law and I have to grow gourmet mushrooms in the "lower 40." Maybe a part-time job to keep the spaces in between those plans from getting too quiet? Who knows.

[RACHEL]

This one doesn't get a name.

I've been gone a while...

I am ready to be real. I've fighting many monsters and demons lately. A while ago I got to a point where I was sick of being strong. That's never a great place to be.

A few months ago I realized that if I wanted my health to get better, I needed to cut the commute out of my life. I mean, it's not like I love being awake in my car longer than I am awake in my house (though the exhaustion was winning and it felt like it wouldn't be long before I fell asleep in my car and seriously altered those very scientific calculations). So, after thinking too long and too hard about my options, I decided to resign my current teaching position, effective June 4th. That was supposed to make me feel better, but instead it felt like one of those breakups where you really don't want to, but someday you'll be very happy you made that choice. So, basically, it sucked. And then I got stressed out.

I desperately needed to find another job. I needed health benefits. I needed to be able to pay rent. So, I applied for about a thousand various jobs. Some, out of desperation. Others, out of passion. I got strung along by a few fantastic employers, only to be eventually met with hollow, one-line message rejection. Kind of sounds like dating... I thought I was done with those emotions... And then I got really sad.

I thought about going back to school, but that wasn't an immediate solution. I thought about having a baby, but then I got really hung up on that part where you actually have to successfully make a baby. Not to mention the part where I wouldn't have any sort of health coverage after my benefits ran out in August. And then I got even more sad and stressed out.

At this point I was teetering on the edge of rock bottom. I stopped using my hair dryer and kept putting off my hair appointments and I looked like a wild hippie. There were various reasons for this happening. One, I was too tired and sad to make my hair fancy and shiny. Two, I didn't want to talk to my hairdresser about my life.

Then, General Conference came around. I decided to hyper-analyze every word to see if there was a gem hidden somewhere in there for me. I was on a mission. I caught all sorts of conflicting impressions, and it frustrated me a little that the spirit was speaking to me in such a fickled way. I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO. Then, my mind went back to Saturday afternoon.

Although we come into mortality “trailing clouds of glory,” life moves relentlessly forward. Youth follows childhood, and maturity comes ever so imperceptibly. From experience we learn the need to reach heavenward for assistance as we make our way along life’s pathway.

Our Heavenly Father did not launch us on our eternal voyage without providing the means whereby we could receive from Him guidance to ensure our safe return. I speak of prayer. I speak too of the whisperings from that still, small voice; and I do not overlook the holy scriptures, which contain the word of the Lord and the words of the prophets—provided to us to help us successfully cross the finish line. (Thomas S. Monson)

I found my gem. It wasn't a concrete answer of any kind. It was more of an assurance that everything would be OK if I just kept on going.

That next Monday, I got to school and the Principal came running in to my classroom to tell me that I NEEDED to call the Assistant Principal for a school I'd applied to and forgotten about, ASAP. So, I did. I found out that they wanted to interview me that very day. YES! I got there and discovered that I was among friends. I felt like I had stumbled upon the seeds of a miracle. I walked out of there feeling optimistic. A few days later, I found out that I got the job, and that it's about 4 miles from where we were thinking about moving next year.

I've still got a few kinks to work out with these things (for the lack of a better word), but do I ever know that God loves me. I am constantly reminded that it's in His time and in His way that life unfolds. That testimony will definitely help me with the remainder of the things on my plate.

[RACHEL]

You know you're in bad shape when...

The VP came in to evaluate me and decided to leave because he took one look and saw illness. It's pretty rough yet comical when  feeling like crap translates into looking like crap.

I haven't looked at myself in the mirror yet, and now I am kind of scared to.

On a brighter note, I have made a return to graphic design. I got out my Wacom tablet for the first time in about a year and I am so excited to be back :) Unfortunately, though I have come to realize that it's time to do something about the current computer situation. Ever since I updaded my iMac to OSX Lion, it's been pretty sluggish, even just browsing the Internet. It was frustrating, but I dealt with it. When I started to use Photoshop and Illustrator at the same time, it made me even more angry than the commute home, when people drive under the 55 MPH construction zone speed limit. I'm pretty sure I could smell my processor melting.Who needs that kind of stress in their life? Time to look at a new computer... or something less exciting and more time consuming, like backing up all of my files and re-installing. Blah.

Maybe I will post some of my designs that I have been working on lately. It's nice to be doing something more than playing around with my blogger layout.

[RACHEL]

ps. need a graphic designer? I'm awesome.

Jan.

It's been a year... I've only been home once since (and not even for a holiday), so in some ways, it still hasn't quite sunken in. When I think of how I want to be, my grandma always comes to mind. There are so many things I wish I could have learned from her, she was a great teacher and knew so many great things. She was a creator-- a quality I loved about her, and also possess myself. I miss not being able to peek over her shoulder at whatever she was cooking or painting or making, to see how I could do it myself.

Shortly after hearing the news, I was assigned the task of making the funeral program. I have always loved graphic design and creating impeccable layouts, but this project was strange for me to approach. I had to try to make this for everyone. One of the hardest things about it was choosing the pictures. Grandma was the cutest kid in the world, and one of the most beautiful women I have ever known...

Families are forever-- one of the most important things I have learned.

[RACHEL]

For the first time.

A student is blasting Queens of the Stone Age's 'No One Knows' ...


Me: That's a good song! I remember listening to it all the time when it came out. I was a freshman in high school... (then it hits me-- this kid is the same age as I was when I first heard the song)

Student: Yeah, my dad teaches me all about rock.

For the first time ever, I feel old.

[RACHEL]