Thankful.

I've been going to the doctor for years to see if maybe this time there will be a magical cure for my tendency to have extreme fatigue and feel pretty much like trash. ALL. THE. TIME. They suck my blood and then 2 weeks later I pay for another visit that generally goes like this:

Dr: Well, you're not pregnant and you don't have mono.

Me: Oh. Ok.

Dr: I hope you feel better soon.

Meanwhile, in my mind I'm raging. OH REALLY? THANKS! Because it's not like I don't know what it's like to have mono... and PREGNANT? SERIOUSLY? Yes, I have been carrying a child for 3 years straight and of course that's the reason you and I both suspected extreme fatigue. I mean, wow... thank you Doctors for making me feel so stupid. Of course I should have known.

So, one day my Mother-in-law was telling me about how amid similar experiences, she decided she was finally sick of receiving the run-around treatment and tried something new. A naturopathic doctor. She said that her Dr looked at all the nitty gritty that other doctors don't usually give the time of day to. The things she learned and the actions she took as a result were amazing, she said. Finally, after mulling over the thought of trying something new and not covered by insurance, I decided to go for it.

Off I went. The naturopathic doctor spent about an hour asking me very detailed questions about all aspects of my well-being, and then right off the bat, told me some things I didn't realize were problems. First, I am wound so remarkably tight that my adrenal response is off the charts in a bad way. Second, I had no idea that the reason I always felt the worst on weekends was because my entire life revolves around my commute and job, when I break from the schedule and stay up late and sleep late, it really screws me up. He ordered some labs. First, the complete blood count that I'd had taken so many times before. Then, a thyroid test, a MTFHR (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase) test, cholesterol, and a few others that I can't remember because they were strange. One of them, he said, was for a somewhat bothersome gene mutation that most doctors don't suspect.

After a few weeks, the labs came back. Almost everything was normal! Except for my vitamin D levels... way too low. And, my MTFHR test. What?? I don't even know what that means! My Dr reminded me that it was the gene mutation one. Apparently I have a tiny mutation on chromosome 1 that makes my body so it doesn't know what to do with folic acid. I don't produce the enzyme needed to break it down properly. Aha, so that explains everything. He put me on a supplement plan that includes D and an "activated" version of folic acid.

I would link to a page with MTFHR info, but they are all crazy scientific. Google it yourself and see if you have better luck than me at deciphering that foreign language called Science. What little I understood helped me to see that a deficiency of folic acid is not fetus-friendly (and possibly not even conception-friendly) or me-friendly at all.

Glad I found that out now instead of later.

I think that the only way to sum it up is that I feel thankful that someone has gone above and beyond in the interest of my health and well-being. I am optimistic, and happy to finally have some answers.

There's also the part where he prescribed me to take 100 deep breaths a day. Bonus points to Dr for having a sense of humor while treating a total basket case :)

[RACHEL]

Next time.

The next time a colleague says I look just like a student (we see each other every day, why do you have to say it every time we cross paths?), I have a feeling this might slip out instead of an awkward chuckle...

"Oh, that's funny! For a second, I thought you were my grandma."

[RACHEL]

So this is the new year...

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
-DCFC

2011 was insane. It wasn't one of those years that I wish I could kick in the butt (2008?), as there were several parts that I loved dearly. It was more like a lesson in jumping through flaming hoops, drinking from a fire hydrant, and then simultaneously recovering from the burns and near drowning experience... Meanwhile, living life passionately.

I decided that I don't like the idea of resolutions. To resolve means that you recognize that you sucked at something and vow to fix it. I am not closed off to progress. It's a wonderful thing that should be a constant. To place meaning on once-a-year goals with forgotten accountability just seems to trivialize the passionate effort of doing my best every day. But that's just me. New Year's resolutions from my past fall along the lines of self-denial and penance (No more ice cream???). Life is meant to be enjoyed. Thoughtful moderation seems more fitting. Anyways, having said that, I have thought of some things I would like to try. I want to keep goals centered on promoting a well-rounded existence. Way more fun and self-friendly than the resolutions of years past :)

1. Try a new recipe from my cookbooks or Pinterest once a week
2. Brush up on Latin dancing with my foxy husband. I haven't been on the dance floor since my tendons went bad in my feet.
3. Use my sewing machine to do a project every month or two-- something other than repairs and alterations
4. Get back to running 3-4 miles a day-- not because I want to drop pounds (for the first time in my life I am happy with how I am. The toning would be a bonus, though), but because when I was in this habit, I was invigorated, low-stress, and actually spent some time outdoors. Again, something I lost track of when my tendons went bad.
5. Read for pleasure

As usual, my insides are all in a knot over the future. Grad school? Career path? Something else? I feel like lately my head has been on backwards and that I need to get back to ME so that I can make the most of the coming year. I've put myself on the back burner for too long! As if life wasn't huge already, it's about to get insanely large, I can feel it. BRING IT ON, BABY. No, that was not an announcement.


[RACHEL]

Someone is trying to kill me.

September- Sinus infection #1 & sore throat #1
October- Sinus infection #2
November- Sinus infection #3 & Sore throat #2
December- Sore throat #3, so bad I completely lost my voice for 3 days
December again (on the tail of the last one)- Food poisoning that won't GO AWAY.

Help me please, I am already out of sick days and there is more than half of a school year left.

[RACHEL]

The time when I almost beat someone up...

A post I found in my drafts, from a really long time ago. Finished but forgotten, until now.
___________________

...and also almost got lit on fire by a guy who thought he'd light up a smoke. No big deal.

April 11, 2011. The day I went to the concert of my dreams. Arcade Fire came to the UVU events center and as soon as tickets went on sale I snatched one up. I had been anxiously anticipating this since they announced they were coming in February. I was excited. Now, when you pack in several hundred more people just as excited as me into the floor area, things can get a little crazy. I got there with my sister and we thought we might try to find the rest of the group we had bought tickets with. It took all of the opening act and much of the time between sets to do this. And it was difficult. We decided to follow in the wake of a really pushy strong guy who was plowing through the crowd and just pretended not to hear all the dirty things people were saying about us and getting mad that we didn't even know him. Interestingly, we all were looking for the same crowd, so in the end that was OK. We were about seven feet from the front when everyone started getting grumpy around us. It was a literal sea of people with currents and waves.. When someone moved, everyone else had to move. So, of course, the people in the very front got mad about being crowded and pushed, so they pushed back. It was hard to even stand.

The music started and it was amazing, aside from being packed like sardines. This guy in front of us was dancing all wild, which is fine.. I understand getting into the music and the moment, but there just wasn't room for that. He was dancing like he had a 2 foot safety zone when in reality it was more like negative 6 inches safety zone. He kept smacking me in the chest and after about a song and a half it was getting old. Hey, it's a SENSITIVE ZONE. Then he stepped on my foot and broke my toenail. It became clear to me that if I was going to enjoy this experience, I needed to do something about him. So, I pushed him real hard in the back and said, "DO YOU MIND!??!?!?" He looked at me with equal parts upset, bewilderment, and angry, and then went back to his ways. I had to use every bit of my strength to not to get in his face again. So, we decided to move and in turn, avoided dishing out the fist.

Moving to the back was challenging, though. We had to elbow our way through the crowds, and as we moved back, others moved forward to take up the space we left behind. I was leading the way, and when we were almost to a part of the venue that actually still had non- BO oxygen in it, I just about walked into an open flame. The guy was too busy lighting up to notice that I had bumped into him. Going to concerts has taught me a few things, one of them being some people (and if it's the Del Mar Racetrack, just about everyone-- that place is a little too scary for me now) will probably get stoned. The thing that blew my mind about this guy was that he was the only one doing it, and that it was an indoor show. Real smart, duuuude.

Despite the insanity, I had the chance to listen to some amazing music. Local Natives opened for Arcade Fire, and I loved their set. Lots of energy, and the sound of their music was great. Arcade Fire did not fail to impress and delivered their songs with their quirky awesomeness. There were a couple of songs that I imagined would be super awesome live, and sure enough they were. Wake Up, Rebellion, and Ready to Start were right on target.

Once it was all done, I drove a bunch of the friends home. One of the guys in the back seat kept going on and on and on about this "crazy smell" he caught a whiff of in the arena. Oh, if only he knew...

Arcade Fire. The show was great... I just wish the fans could have been a little nicer.

[RACHEL]

One last shenannigan.

Love story continued.

After our first date, I got a little anxious about the protocol for the post-date wait. It had been a while since I had been in a normal relationship, and I wasn't sure how I would know if I was still on the hook, so to speak. So, Tuesday hit and I was about to go crazy. Still hadn't heard from him, outside of one or two random texts. (Keep in mind that I was his first "girl interaction" since his mission :p) Tuesday is BYU's Devotional Day. If you're busy on Tuesday at 11, you're probably lying or overachieving. So, I decided to give him a call to see if we could go to devotional together (a thing I had tried several times in the past to see if there was "anything there" with guys I'd had great dates with the weekend before).

We didn't end up going because I didn't call early enough and he was busy-- at that time, I thought he was an alumnus of Phillips Exeter Academy since he was wearing a PEA jacket on our first date, and I was totally shaking in my boots intimidated by his hardcore-ness... turns out his mom works there-- so, not a freakish overachiever or a maker of excuses (who wouldn't want to go to devotional with me, haha), just being a good student who uses devotional to study and eat, instead of take a nap on the nearest couch like I did.

We finally got in touch with each other later in the afternoon. I had missed a call from him earlier so, I called him back and we finally were talking. It just so happened that we were about a football field away from each other and he could see me. After I found him, we started talking in person. He was on his way to the testing center, so I walked with him. We were both very happy to see each other, which I took for a good sign.  We decided that it would be fun to spend time together later, and then I shared my cookies with him and wished him luck on his test.

At home, about an hour and a half later, I got a phone call from Dan while I was in the middle of making Macaroni and Cheese for one. He had just come out of the testing center and was wondering if he could help me make dinner. He also thanked me for the note* I gave him. I was a little confused at first, but then I thought he was talking about the text I sent him wishing him luck on the test. It was too cute to pass up, so I put the macaroni into the fridge and said yes. He sounded really excited to come over.

We made quinoa, chicken, and broccoli, because that was all I had. Luckily, it was amazing. It was fun to cook with him, and after dinner he even helped with dishes (bonus points). We were sitting on the couch and I was showing him my graphic design portfolio when he slipped his arm around me. Moments later, he decided that a kiss would be a good idea, too. Boy, was it ever! My last first kiss... hallelujah. Truly an earthshaking moment in history :)

Dan went home and found out that the note was a fake, written by his roommate Justin. It was a picture of Dan totally owning at Rock Band, with something to the effect of "You're amazing at Rockband, marry me! Love, Rachel" written on it. Dan later admitted that the note was the reason he had the boldness to invite himself over and go for the kiss. I tip my imaginary hat to you, Justin. That was one great shenanigan.

[RACHEL]

*At the bottom of the stairwell where people leave the testing center to go watch the awful TV of Doom to see their score, there is a really big windowsill where people leave notes of affection and/or happiness for their amorcitos/friends who have just finished up.

Inspired.

A tidbit I found on pinterest that provoked my thoughts very much.

You'll know when you find it...

The feeling of knowing is quite an amazing thing. Knowing when I met the man of my dreams was all-out exhilarating. Knowing when to quit paddling and stand that one time when I surfed was quite a treasure (and for most people, that's good enough to be called a surfer... score! I know better though). Knowing that I found the right major made school challenging and exciting for me.

As for knowing what to do with the rest of my life, all I can say is that there is a roaring sliver of me (that I fight daily to SHUT UP) that wants MORE. Still entertaining the idea of becoming a professor. Currently entertaining the idea of becoming a mother. I am working on finding it!

[RACHEL]